It still hurts

For those of you that haven't been following from the beginning you may want to start here, of course I am still at the beginning of this blog thing.

I was having a great day today. We had a relatively smooth morning getting to the Y. I had finished a great workout, that even included some ab work, and was taking a quick shower before teaching an All Star Clinic for 3 - 5 year olds. I was running through all the things I wanted to get done before my husband's family got here for their visit. Then my mind drifted to seeing my nieces and how much they had probably change since our last visit. Then I thought about how much they would change before I saw them again at Thanksgiving. Then before I could really even finish the thought I was in tears. Not just a few tears, lots of them. Why was I crying? It flashed through my thoughts that our 3rd baby would have been due in February. I am not sure where the thought even came from, but I tried to stop myself from crying. I was hoping no one would hear me, because how could I explain. If someone would have asked me why I was crying, I would probably have answered, "because it still hurts". I know some people wouldn't understand why I grieved so much back in July, but I am guessing even fewer would understand now.

So I take comfort in Jesus. He created me and He knows my thoughts, and He wipes away my tears.

I'll leave you with these verses:

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Psalm 139:1-6